previously reported, NBC is currently casting a new reality competition cooking show, which looks to pit home chefs against professional cooks in some sort of ultimate blah blah showdown. Luckily, we’re pretty well-versed in the biggest of kitchen competition disasters from both home cooks and professionals alike, so we’re more than happy to offer up some Braiser-approved blunders to avoid if you’re planning on auditioning for this one. You’re welcome.
There's no cross domain hackery or tracking voodoo, it's just some sweet jQuery animations.
Please, think of the animations.
In the meantime, enjoy the html version below. I guess. If that's your thing.
Right Off The Bat, Don't Cook Any Of These...
The 10 Most Disgusting Dishes Made On Cooking Competitions in 2012. Do you want to be on our 2013 list? We don't think so.
Don't Later Blame The Show For Giving You PTSD
Don't Bake Cakes In The Likeness Of Babies
Because it looks
like this when you try to slice into them. Thanks, Duff.
Don't Commit Scallop-cide
It's sad for you. It's sad for
us to watch. It's sad for the scallops that lost their lives only to be presented looking like they were sliced with a paperclip.
A Cooking Competition Show Is No Place To Showcase Your Amateur Rapping Skillz
for this one. Kimmie from Season 10 of Hell's Kitchen
Learn To Tell The Difference Between Cod And Sea Bass BEFORE You Get On Set
Thanks , also Tiffany Hell's Kitchen Season 10.
Don't Scream Into The Dining Room While Expediting
Scream at the line.
That's where your brigade is.
Don't Stab Your Tortellini
Because guess what's
improper tortellini technique?
If You Win An Advantage, Don't Forget To Grab The Key Ingredient For The Challenge
Although, maybe you can be as fortunate as
and make it to the final two anyway... MasterChef Season 3's Josh
Don't Bullshit Padma Lakshmi
This is relevant even if you're not on a show where
Padma Lakshmi is the host. Trust us. Or just ask . Stefan
Don't Call The Judges Names
No matter how
sassy, well-crafted, or accurate your insults may be.
Don't Put A Slice Of Cheese Directly Onto A Grill
Because -- and this may shock you --
that's not how you make grilled cheese, boys and girls.
Don't Set Fire To A Trifle
Because how the fuck do you
set fire to something that doesn't require fire to cook? Ask MasterChef Season 4.
Don't Put Out A Grease Fire With Grease
not how fire works.
Those With Irrational Fears Of Food Processors Need Not Apply
We're looking at you,
. Hines Ward