41 Ice-Cream Themed Pornos That Will Never Get Made Because Ben & Jerry Are Killjoys

Laura NorkinJul 31st, 2013, 6:09 pm
 

Image credit: Tina Nguyen

You may have heard on the internet, that Ben & Jerry’s have successfully blocked the production of porn DVDs with titles inspired by their ice cream flavors. Such blockbusters as Chocolate Fudge Babes and Boston Cream Thighs are not happening now, because B&J (cough) slapped Caballero Video with a trademark infringement case last September for blatantly playing off of the sweets behemoth’s titles.

The agreement Ben & Jerry’s came to with Caballero covers an across-the-board no-can-do on labels, packaging, and advertising that mimicked their tie-dyed Vermont hippie vibe (which in real life has turned on approximately zero people).

Our first thought on reading this news was, “Chocolate Fudge Babes? That’s the best they can do?” So we’ve polled our office, which includes the editorial staffs of eight Abrams Media sites. After an auditory shockwave of Beavis and Butthead idiot-giggles coursed through the office, some pretty great ideas came out.

These are inspired by actual Ben & Jerry’s flavors which often work as porn titles on their own (ahem, Karamel Sutra), so forgive us for getting a little creative. Just remember before assembling your crack team of amateur ice-cream enthusiast porn producers, you will be sued if you try to make any of them.

  • Boston Cream’d In Her Pie (Sequel: On Her Face)
  • You Give Me A Chubby Hubby
  • Everything Butt The…
  • What a Thruster
  • Spunky Monkey
  • Liz Le’Moan
  • Tight Russian
  • Teet Cream & Nookie
  • Sin In My Buns (French Re-release: Sin In Mon Buns)
  • He Nut On My Brittle!
  • Just the Chip
  • S&M&Ms
  • Dough-Not Tonight (rejection porn)
  • S’Whores
  • Lemonade Stand-ing, Sitting, in the Tub, on the Bed, Wherever
  • Late Night Snatch
  • Milk and Nookie
  • Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Me From Behind
  • Pop My Cherry, Garcia
  • Rocky Chode
  • What a Cluster-f*ck, Vol. 5
  • Beefcake Batter
  • Americum Dreams
  • Journey to the Center of Her Cinnamon Buns
  • My Chubby Chaser Hubby
  • Half-Faked (sad porn!)
  • Vanilla, Caramel + Chocolate: The Sweetest Swirl
  • Chocolate Chip Cookie Blow
  • Cinnamon Buns 14: Sticky Balls
  • Peach Gobbler
  • Pocket Rocket BuzzBuzzBuzz (solo porn!)
  • Half Porked
  • Chocolate Fudge Brown-Bears (niche gay porn!)
  • Sweet Cream & Her Cookie
  • C*mmy Monkey
  • Banana And The Splits
  • Phish P00n (Vermont hippy porn!)
  • New York Super F*ck Chunk
  • Chocolate Sex Therapy
  • AmeriCone-Bra Dream
  • Chocolate Chip Cookie Dohhh-OHHH-OHHHHH

If you’re already screen-testing neighbors for an ice-cream themed porno of your own, be sure to share the title with us — and no other details! — in the comments section. Now let’s all cool off with a nice cone.

[h/t Huffington Post]

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