The People of Philadelphia Swear Fealty To Bobby Flay’s Burger Empire

 

Last weekend, the people of Philadelphia flocked into the streets to choose among their number a new reigning burger, in an ancient tradition that stretches back to just last year.  And yet for all the fine burger craftsmen who knew the preferences of the city best, the people instead elevated a burger from the South West Lands, an envoy from food imperator Bobby Flay of the Burger Palace, as their Chosen One.

As the hoi polloi, wiping grease from their mouths, cast lots for the foreign burger adorned in gaudy blue tortilla chips and pickled jalapenos, the local chefs in the competition tore at their aprons in despair and covered themselves in charcoal ash, bemoaning the participation of chain restaurants as they wandered the napkin-strewn streets, lost.

The Judges, meanwhile, huddled among themselves, plotting to give their allegiance to a sweet onion-and-chopped sirlon-filled Burger from another empire, the Capital Grille, in the hopes that their decision would hold sway over the populace crying for spicy tamales and blue cheese.

But lo, the High Burger Priest and creator of the games Rob Wasserman of Rouge did smile with brotherly love: for with the arrival of the barbarians came great wealth for charitable purposes.  As they tempted the people with their foreign goods, so too did they help the Philly Burger Brawl earn $65,000 for the Meredith Elementary School K-8 Computer Lab.

Restless, Flay simply said “Fun Stuff!”  on his Facebook page, and swept his eyes to the ends of the world, hungry for more titles to seize, burgers to conquer.

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