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How Elite Yelpers Tried To Extort Big Gay Ice Cream From Their Unopened Store

There comes a time in every Big Gay Ice Cream Man’s life where, despite all attempts to be nice and friendly and super fun, he must deny people things they want. (As a life milestone, this is akin to a Big Gay Bar Mitzvah.) In the latest edition of the podcast Food Is The New Rock, Friends of the Blog Doug Quint and Bryan Petroff revealed how far some people (cough, Yelpers, cough) will go to in order to try and take advantage of the Big Gay Ice Cream Truck’s legendary niceness.

Yelpers, you see, will take stars off for completely arbitrary things, like not being officially open for business yet, or having unicorn paintings on their walls (“Unicorns are soooo over,” Quint lisped in imitation of a vapid bitch).

One of the most heinous crimes came from an unnamed “Elite Yelper,” who sent the following email:

D: Last summer before we opened, we got an email that started: “Dear Big Gay Ice Cream Guys: I am an Elite Yelper.” (dramatic pause) And we read on.

“I am going to bring a group of other Elite Yelpers on an ice cream crawl, and we want to come to your store. Can you open early –” now, we weren’t open yet at all — “Can you open early, and can you prepare sample sized portions of all the menu for everyone? Think of all the great reviews you’ll get!”

B: Or come up with new things to wow us.

D: Oh, yes. “Can you come up with a special flavor for the day?”

Host: An Elite Yelper?!

D: They’re different. They live on Mount Olympus.

Doug and Bryan immediately consigned Yelpers to the bottom pits of hell, while they gave the OK to bloggers. We’re okay with you too, guys.

[Food Is The New Rock]

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