School Tramples Burgeoning 9-Year-Old Brony’s Spirit, Makes Him Stop Carrying My Little Pony Lunchbox to School
Great men in history have identified themselves as passionate bronies. Most notably/memorably for us: Anthony Bourdain and the Big Gay Ice Cream collective. Tragically, a North Carolina elementary school is now standing in the way of a blossoming young brony reaching his full, magical friendship potential.
Nine-year-old Grayson Bruce was recently banned from bringing his My Little Pony lunchbox to school, because, according to administrators, it was “distracting” and “a trigger for bullies.”
Of course, the answer isn’t to address the bullies head-on, and patiently explain why everyone is entitled to like what they like, provided that it doesn’t harm themselves or others. The answer is to acquiesce to the bullies, eliminate diversity of self-expression, and suppress your special snowflake pony-loving self.
Said Grayson’s rad mom Noreen, “Saying a lunchbox is a trigger for bullying is like saying a short skirt is a trigger for rape. It’s flawed logic. It doesn’t make any sense.”
“If you watch the show, it’s really not that girly!” Grayson chimed in. “[The bullies] are taking it a little too far with like, punching me and pushing me down, calling me horrible names — stuff that really shouldn’t happen.”
We apologize in advance, Noreen, for the deluge of My Little Pony paraphernalia about to rain upon your house in support of your really cute, spectacular kid.