Eric Ripert Live-Tweeted Himself Eating A Cronut; In Other News, Life Is Not Fair
Oh, hey there, Eric Ripert. How’s your day been? Fine, you say? You ate one of Dominique Ansel’s infamous cronuts today, you say? You did? And you have the photos (and a Vine!) to prove it? Ha, that’s a good one, chef! Nobody can get a cronut, haven’t you heard? We went this morning and the lines snaked down the street, with weeping women shuffling across Spring Street after they were denied! People can’t get more than three now! How could you possibly —
Something important is about to happen…7 more tweets to go… twitter.com/ericripert/sta…
— Eric Ripert (@ericripert) May 31, 2013
Oh, no. No, no no no no.
This is THE CRONUT!!! twitter.com/ericripert/sta… — Eric Ripert (@ericripert) May 31, 2013
That’s impossible. That has to be a Photoshop.
To have or not to have twitter.com/ericripert/sta… — Eric Ripert (@ericripert) May 31, 2013
No. No “have-sies”. U CAN NOT HAZ. Wait, why can’t you have something that’s clearly fake? Of course it’s fake. Fakity-fake-fake-fake.
Goig now… twitter.com/ericripert/sta…
— Eric Ripert (@ericripert) May 31, 2013
Seriously. We can see the places where the Clone Brush copied the rich, flaky layers of deep-fried croissant. NOT REAL.
Super creamy in the center… twitter.com/ericripert/sta…
— Eric Ripert (@ericripert) May 31, 2013
Look, the only reason we care so much about the Cronut is that everyone else cares so deeply and fervently about it. We’re only hysterical over the fact that you happen to have a cronut, one that you might have abused your Star Chef powers to obtain, because, um, everyone else wants one. In fact, we unflinchingly will call this a matter of injustice! Yes! Injustice, that you, sir, have a cronut, while the rest of us remain oppressed by Dominique Ansel! Truly, a greater offense against the equality of mankind has never been so flagrant, so grave, so —
Ready,set and… twitter.com/ericripert/sta…
— Eric Ripert (@ericripert) May 31, 2013
Wait, wait, wait! We take that all back! We’re sorry that we called you a dictator! Just give us some of that cronut. Please? Really, we’ll do anything. We’ll write you a song. How about that, huh? Here’s how it goes:
There once was a man so kind and fair
With a razor sharp knife and silver hair
And the people cried out, “O, Hail, Ripert,
The chef who shares his Cronuts —
GO…!!!! twitter.com/ericripert/sta…
— Eric Ripert (@ericripert) May 31, 2013
…aw, fuck.
I did it!!! & I love it…:) twitter.com/ericripert/sta…
— Eric Ripert (@ericripert) May 31, 2013
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