Girl Scouts Unveil Gluten-Free Cookie; Don’t Tell the Lesbians
Remember that Colorado pastor who revealed on his talk radio show that, by his holy account, “wicked” Girl Scout Cookies promote 1) lesbianism, 2) Planned Parenthood, 3) abortion, 4) the individualized feminism that is destroying this country, 5) an antithesis to the biblical vision for womanhood, 6) ungodliness? If you need a refresher, you can listen to the clip here.
Well, shhh, don’t tell the lesbians, but the Girl Scouts of America are launching a new gluten-free cookie in select test markets this Girl Scout Cookie season (IT’S NEXT MONTH, YOU GUYS!). While the new cookie is not also vegan (sad), it’s described as “chocolate chips nestled in a bite-size, gluten-free shortbread cookie.” The butter and chocolate are both real, but the cookie uses tapioca and rice flours instead of wheatey alternatives.
If there’s anything lesbians love and support more than Girl Scout Cookies, it’s gluten-free shit. Wait, no, cheese, and then gluten-free shit. And then vegan shit. So if you, heteros of America, want any of the special new cookies for yourselves, keep it on the DL. But know that you’re probably still supporting a big lesbian organization.