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Porn/The Canyons Star James Deen Fulfils Your Foodie Fantasies

He’s the well-endowed, sensitive Jew-y heartthrob you love to delete from your browser history; he’s starring in the much-anticipated Lindsay Lohan media shitstorm The Canyons; and he’s secretly always wanted to be a food critic. Ladies and gentlemen: James Deen and his food diary.

Now, technically, drawing the comparison between food porn and porn stars is not a completely original concept. And while we want to relentlessly mock Bon Appetit for stealing Eddie Huang’s idea, the execution on this is so exquisite that we think there’s room for both YouTube shows that take us on food crawls with porn stars from inside The Bang Bus, and thoughtful food diaries from porn stars trying to get their Euro-classy game on in Bon Appetit write-ups.

Also, we’re not sure if we buy that James Deen wakes up at 6am every morning to make coffee, and then leave a mug of it on his girlfriend’s nightstand for when she wakes up, but that’s probably just because if we did believe it, we’d probably break up with our own slacker-ass scrubs.

Look at how adorable James Deen is when he talks about European breakfasting sensibilities:

“France has the best food in the world–I love everything about France…It was this huge spread of the most amazing, most fantastic food I’d seen in my life: 25 types of cured meats and 25 types of cheese, and a million different types of yogurt, and fancy stuff that comes in glass jars, and multiple types of juices, and anything you can imagine that’s breakfast-related. It was an amazing, amazing spread of food.”

He admitted he can’t become a real food critic, even though it’s his non-porn calling, because he’s a terrible writer, but he does have a food-related webseries, and he is obsessed with wine:

“I don’t drink much, but I do really like wine and used to have a collection. I love the science of wine, how it all works, and how grapes from the same place can taste completely different…When it comes to spirits, I like to use cocktails to enhance my experience.”

To enhance his experience. Oh, it’s all just so dear! See? How could we possibly be mad at Bon Appetit for totally ganking Eddie Huang’s idea? We can’t. Also, this incarnation didn’t involve blurred out bodily fluids, so that’s always a step up for us. How much longer until he’s cast as Elvis in the Gael Greene bio-pic?

[Bon Appetit]

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