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Last Call: There Was News Today That Had Nothing To Do With Paula Deen

Grub Street: If this had been a normal news day, we’d have happily highlighted rumors that Danny Bowien might be opening a Mexican-Chinese version of Mission Chinese in New York City, which means burritos. Come to us, burrito angel with amazing hair, and slake our burrito thirst, for yea, we have longed for good burritos in this concrete wasteland for too long.

Roll Call: Or we would have brought your attention to this profile of Spike Mendelsohn, who’s opening a restaurant in DC focusing on steak frites. Burgers, pizzas, and fries-focused restaurants — Spike, we thought you were supposed to be BFFs with Michelle Obama! Are you just trying to make her Hulk out?

Eater: We could have pointed out that Star Trek wine exists!

The Mary Sue: Wouldn’t you have liked to read about dinosaur pancakes (and stare at GIFs of the pancakes roaring mightily)?

Twitter: You might have even learned a bit from Alton Brown’s outdoor wok hack! (Does that make it “whack”? To clarify, Alton, we’re not calling you “whack.” We think it’s whack to call someone whack.)

The Guardian: But what would you have rather read about, really? Cadbury’s aggressive tax-dodging scheme where they only paid 6.4% of their overall revenue in taxes? Or Paula Deen’s awkward racist-accusation-dodging attempts? The answer is obvious.

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