Mario Batali and Michael Symon's Birthday on The Chew (VIDEO)

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by Mariella Mosthof

MasterChef Season 4 kicked off last night with a two-hour premiere, and, as we look forward to every summer, the kooks came out of the woodwork for the open audition rounds. Of course, those are way more entertaining than the tear-filled, moving stories of overcoming adversity or whatever, so we conveniently compiled all the Crazies Montages in one convenient space for your perusal. You're welcome.

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Lady Chef Stampede: Here's Why Amy Scherber Is The One Baker Ever To Be Profiled In This Column

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This week, on the Lady Chef Stampede, we get baked with Amy Scherber, the woman behind Amy’s Bread. Normally I am deeply suspicious of bakers, regarding them as a mutant offshoot of pastry cooks (if you want to know about pastry cooks, I suggest trying reading some H.P. Lovecraft, who wrote about them in great detail).

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The Braiser Is Hiring Summer Interns!

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WATCH: Clinton Kelly Rescues Mario Batali And Michael Symon’s Awkward Birthday

by Mariella Mosthof 3:28 pm, September 19th

Mario Batali and Michael Symon celebrated their birthdays on today’s episode of The Chew with some killer-looking roast chicken and linguine with clams, but what’s a birthday without a party? Luckily for them, Clinton Kelly took advantage of their special day to illustrate the biggest birthday party faux pas in his “From the Mind of Clinton Kelly” segment.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with how the segment works: the hosts all take part in a little role play, and then a Clinton voiceover comes on with mocking commentary whenever someone does something embarrassing. So polite they are over on The Chew! Clinton then finds his voice to explain to the audience how to avoid common blunders and offers helpful alternatives.

The most awkward moments from Mario and Michael’s party? Daphne Oz delivering a “meat bouquet,” when the invitation clearly stated “No Gifts”; Michael talking about overly heavy topics like his strange itch and his sorrow over the fact that his hairplugs didn’t take; and uncomfortably sexy party surprises like forced games of spin the bottle and a penis cake.

Check out the clip below to watch how Clinton made over Mario and Michael’s massively awkward, terrible pretend birthday party! (Also, happy birthday to both, and to Jimmy Fallon, with whom they will allegedly be partying later tonight.)