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WATCH: On CNN Batali & Bourdain Talk Delivering A Brutal Ass-Kicking To Bieber

Dear Mario Batali: While it may be tempting to go off on Justin Bieber while your good friend Anthony Bourdain has seized control of Piers Morgan Live like a dirty pirate, you’re gonna get yourself into a heap of trouble with a few million preteen girls when you say, on national television, that you would go nuts on Bieber if you caught him peeing in a bucket in your restaurant.

“I would have brutally kicked his ass. I’m serious…I mean, that’s not just being funny and flip that’s actually peeing on somebody’s workplace,” said the American chef, writer, and restaurateur. “That’s odd, that’s weird, that’s just…I mean I think he just needs a wakeup call. I don’t think he’s an evil kid.”

Bourdain warned Batali that he was kicking a hornet’s nest by threatening the Beebz (“Beliebers are like Bronies, but worse”) while the wise sage Eric Ripert took the zen route (“He was drunk and stupid”). But now Batali is at the mercy of a hormonal throng of shrieking prepubescent harpies, and his only defense is his natural odor of mortadella. (Teenage girls hate mortadella.)

RELATED:
Anthony Bourdain Responds To Justin Bieber Pissing Video…Aggressively
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