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WATCH: Martha Stewart Is A Juice Nazi (No Beets. No Apples.)

Beets might be nature’s candy, but — at least according to Martha Stewart — THEY’RE STILL CANDY. They are full of sugar and calories and will rot your teeth and give you early onset diabetes and only serve to feed the commercial food industry’s plot to get all Americans addicted to sugar.

Martha made an appearance on The Today Show this morning to show off how much better she is than all of us at gardening, and one of her themed container gardens (because of course) was a green juice garden. All the best juicer veggies get planted in the same pot, and, in Martha’s world, green juice is the only juice. She only juices kale, swiss chard, collards, parsley, and celery, because Martha Stewart is a nihilist.

Matt Lauer suggests adding a little something to sweeten the deal, but she quickly dismisses apples as “empty calories” and beets as “too sugary.”

“What about chocolate, Martha?” Savannah Guthrie deadpanned.

Excuse us. We’ll be over here juicing our cacao nibs while you check out the clip below.

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