Obamacare Is Here: 7 Restaurants You Should Eat At To Celebrate

WATCH: Every Whack-Job Montage From Last Night's MasterChef Auditions

by Mariella Mosthof

MasterChef Season 4 kicked off last night with a two-hour premiere, and, as we look forward to every summer, the kooks came out of the woodwork for the open audition rounds. Of course, those are way more entertaining than the tear-filled, moving stories of overcoming adversity or whatever, so we conveniently compiled all the Crazies Montages in one convenient space for your perusal. You're welcome.

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Lady Chef Stampede: Here's Why Amy Scherber Is The One Baker Ever To Be Profiled In This Column

by Tina Nguyen

This week, on the Lady Chef Stampede, we get baked with Amy Scherber, the woman behind Amy’s Bread. Normally I am deeply suspicious of bakers, regarding them as a mutant offshoot of pastry cooks (if you want to know about pastry cooks, I suggest trying reading some H.P. Lovecraft, who wrote about them in great detail).

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Amy Bouzgalo Served Time In Federal Prison For Social Security Fraud

by Tina Nguyen

In an Arizona Republic article, Jennifer McClellan reports that Bouzgalo formerly went by the name "Amanda Bossingham," and spent 14 months in federal prison in 2008.

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The Braiser Is Hiring Summer Interns!

by Laura Norkin

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7 Restaurants You Should Eat At… While Obamacare Can Still Protect You From Your Gluttony

by Tina Nguyen 1:00 pm, August 30th

As the 2012 presidential election goes into the final stretch, one of the biggest fights is over Obama’s universal health care act, which Republicans have vowed to repeal after the Supreme Court ruled it constitutional. But no matter what your political ideology, you have to admit that for the moment, preexisting conditions won’t bar you from getting insurance, you can eat crazy amounts of food and still be covered by health care plans for the next few months! (Yes, yes, personal responsibility and let’s not encourage overeating, but this is AMURRICA and we do what we want.)

Either way, the prospect of eating at these restaurants — and we know you’d prefer to stretch your healthcare’s limits at these restaurants rather than at a chain, because you are a true gourmand – is a bit more palatable, now that you’re protected from yourself. YOLO.

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1.Heart Attack Burger

Two people have died eating this burger, which consists of a double patty beef burger in between two lard-smothered buns. But with affordable health care... eh, people are still going to die while eating it. But now, they'll die with health care.

2.Anything From The Momofuku Milk Bar

After Christina Tosi's interview with Grub Street revealed a completely junk food-oriented diet, we came to the conclusion that the pastry chef is either a) extremely lucky, b) headed towards diabetes, or c) a sugar fairy, transported into our dimension from Candyland. Either way, her concoctions can be summed up as "snacks on snacks on snacks," so get nommin' on your Compost cookies!

3.Paula Deen's Donut Burger

Blah blah donut burger blah blah diabetes scandal blah blah butter butter butter preexisting conditions oh hey look we have affordable health care, let's eat all of her foods now.

4.An Entire 15-Course Tasting Menu At The French Laundry

But why, you might ask? Isn't this meal made from the finest produce and the most free range-iest animals in Napa Valley? Well, sure they are -- but they're also swimming in butter. Moreover, a guy from McDonald's said that you could ingest more calories from a meal at The French Laundry than from a McDonalds Combo Special, and, well, who are we to question him?

5.Pretty Much Anything Off The Menu At Animal

Here's a reading of their latest menu offerings. "Barbeque pork belly sandwiches." "Chicken fried sweetbreads." "Foie gras, biscuit, maple sausage gravy." There, now you have high blood pressure.

6.Shake Shack's ShackBurger, Milkshake and Fries

You know what? If Michelle "Rawr My Guns And Vegetables LOOK AT THEM" Obama is cool with eating a 1600-calorie meal from Shake Shack, it's gotta be healthy! LET'S EAT TWELVE OF THESE.

7.The Foie Gras Poutine at Au Pied De Cochon

Martin Picard of Canada's Au Pied De Cochon is infamous for piles of pigs and ducks, dismembered for our gustatory enjoyment. But nothing is as enjoyable as this foie gras poutine. (Those Canadians and their universal health care coverage: they get everything first.)