Alternatively titled, “An intervention for those wearing the pizza print — for the love of God, STOP.”
The Cut explains to us how a print of gooey, cheesy, greasy pizza has become the eau de trend for fashionistas and celebrities, blaming it on Twitter “Pizzaminati” accounts, its appearance on the Oscar red carpet, and even its status as a status for relationships. While we do agree that pizza > boyfriends any day, we do have to really ask ourselves is if pizza is really the food we want to be adorning ourselves in. Or really any food.
Let’s face it — pizza fashion has gone too far. It’s being used as an ironic fashion statement, both for socioeconomic reasons and gendered reasons. Pizza, inherently our cheap drunk food, is being highjacked by the rich and famous. The idea of a dollar slice is adhered to pieces of clothing that easily cost the price of 100, even 200 pizza pies. You can wear the same Opening Ceremony pizza disaster Beyonce once worn, for 1/3 of its original asking price of $335. (Except it’s sold out, because WHY.) Everyone’s rocking the damn same $100 pizza onesie, the one that Katy Perry and Cara Delevigne wore, that makes you look like a greasy, slippery hot mess. And we only like greasy, slippery hot messes ON OUR PAPER PLATES.
But there’s more to just the ridiculousness of wearing a pizza Illuminati shirt or whatever. Need further convincing? Allow us to show you how pizza fashion has jumped the shark:
Pizzaminati all through my body pic.twitter.com/brUl7h40Tc
— Malachi Marshall (@ASAPMalachi) July 22, 2014
Nope. No pizza will ever look good tattooed on your body. It’s that whole “a moment on the lips, forever on the hips” mentality; though not applicable to weight, that slice of pizza engraved in ink on your arm is FOREVER. If boyfriends don’t deserve to have their faces tattooed on your body, neither does your food.
Pizza Princess @DisneyPixar @Disney @BuzzFeed @DisneyFrozen @dominos @pizzaminati @pizzahut #liveloveeatpizza https://t.co/cIwuhfGDpn
— FOXADHD (@FOXADHD) April 16, 2014
Leave our beloved Disney princesses OUT OF THIS.
@pizzaminati when life hands you some pizza socks you buy them pic.twitter.com/i4wxSCboAt
— Brittany Silva (@GoldAndSilva925) March 9, 2014
Irony will only take you so far, dear children.
Why would this exist? What is cool about this? And this is from Target!
You’re never going to look as cool as you think you do in this shirt.
Andddd done. That’s why we are not on board with this pizza movement — because it too gives sexual power to a food that just DOESN’T REALLY NEED IT. Pizza is messy, dirty, cheap, and shameful to our diets, so therefore it must be sexualized and made to be even more sinful that it already is. And that’s why we hate to see it slathered all over a woman’s body. Sex ≠ pizza.
The Cut wonders if we’ve begun to hit “peak pizza,” or if we ever well. The Cut concludes that we will not, and we disagree. Though perhaps more tolerable than wearing cupcakes on your clothing, or something equally trendy like kale, pizza belongs on a plate. Let pizza just be a pizza, and we can all go back to enjoying it the way the pizza gods intended it to be enjoyed.
[The Cut]
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