Robert Irvine’s Live Cooking Tour: Alternative Lifeforms, Handcuffs, And Rope-Climbs
Leave it to ex-Royal Navyman Robert Irvine to take a regular old cooking tour and turn it into a macho shitshow. He’s currently touring with a show called “Robert Irvine Live,” but this isn’t your grandmother’s dump and stir technique class. He isn’t simply demonstrating how to cook the food; Robert is providing a “high-energy” and “interactive” experience.
“In Florida we had a 70-foot drop from the ceiling down and I just threw a rope over and a rappelled into the crowd,” he told Montgomery News. “It was pretty fun. My agent didn’t think it was funny though.”
Along with performing death defying acts, the Restaurant: Impossible host insists there’s also food involved. Oh, and a sassy robot sidekick: “My co-host is a computer named ‘Chat.’ He’s an alternative life form. It’s hilarious.”
Was R2D2 booked for another gig? Did Guy Fieri consult with Robert on this idea? Because “totally hilarious alternative lifeforms, bro!” sounds like the prototypical Guy Cooler brainstorm if we’ve ever heard one.
So obviously, the premise of the show is still murky to us, and Irvine’s explanation of “it’s a mix between Restaurant Impossible, Dinner Impossible, and uh, I don’t know…Survivor” doesn’t so much clear anything up for us as lead us to wonder about what creative team put this together.
Oh, but wait, mommy porn readers, there’s something in it for you, too! There’s gotta be a cross-section of women who are both extremely interested in the bondage fad sweeping Middle America, who also think Robert Irvine is their beefy dreamboat, right? Check it: he dishes, “There are handcuffs involved. There are straightjackets. There are leg irons and ropes. The total audience is part of the show.”
Lining up to buy your tickets? Us either.