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Closed Italian Restaurant In Texas Blasts Customers as ‘Redneck Sacks of Goat Sperm’

Right now, the bitterest of bitter restaurant closing announcements is exploding on the internet, and what appeared to be a simple “fuck you” to the residents of Amarillo, TX is slowly transforming into the next version of Amy’s Baking Company. 

Sava! Italiano, a self-proclaimed “real” Italian restaurant in a city of 190,000 Texans, recently served its last meal on August 18th after being open for a year. Last night, a customer hoping to grab dinner discovered this sign taped to the inside of the closed and locked restaurant. He snapped a photo, and it was quickly circulated by local radio station 96.9 KISS FM, along with a warning for graphic content. Good decision, because here’s what it says:

You sorry assed, redneck sacks of goat sperm had no idea what you had here! Good luck with your prepackaged frozen shit food in this town. Maybe you’ll remember us when you’re boning your sister and think she smells like pasta. We are off to make money in a town whose average IQ is above room temperature!! CIAO!

The Facebook page for the restaurant quickly denied that their owners were responsible for the sign, claiming, among other things, that someone taped the sign to their door and photographed it as a joke — though we have no idea how a random stranger can tape a sign inside a locked restaurant and photograph it from the outside. (These are obviously higher concepts that only someone with high IQ could possibly notice.)

Amarillo residents aren’t surprised, however: Sava’s chef, Mark Coffman, told the Amarillo Globe-News last week that he was going to move the restaurant to the nearby city of Lubbock, because his customer base in Amarillo just didn’t “get” what he was doing. “I think Lubbock will get what we do a little bit better,” he said. “It’s a bigger wine town. … We probably won’t stay in Amarillo. I’ve enjoyed Amarillo; it’s just a tough sell.”

He added: “Everybody thinks they know what Italian food is and they still argue with me about it.” And the best way to win that debate: calling his detractors “redneck sacks of goat sperm.”

To be fair to the chef, who serves a legitimately Italian menu, this is the kind of review Sava gets on Yelp!:

You want real Italian? Mac & Cheese Sauce, Butter Noodles, Pizza Pockets? Well, you’re not getting any of that here. Just a bunch of weird things I couldn’t even pronounce. Disgusting!

The winner: no one, except for the Internet.

[h/t Reddit]

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2 thoughts on “Closed Italian Restaurant In Texas Blasts Customers as ‘Redneck Sacks of Goat Sperm’

  1. I think you were either in a hurry or are being disingenuous regarding the Yelp!review or you do not appreciate or understand sarcasm. Here is the complete “review”

    “First of all, they told us they could not seat my wife and I because of how she was dressed. Sorry, but I don’t have time to take my sister clear across town to change, just to ride back so that we could both enjoy a big city, Italian meal. She works hard up on that stage, and deserves to be treated with respect. All of those girls up there do.

    After some “negotiating” we did finally manage to get a table. And this is the worst part. Terrible food!

    I was expecting all you can eat breadsticks, but they gave us this terrible bread and expected you to dip it in motor oil. I’m not sure what planet these guys are from, but that’s NOT how it’s done around here.

    You want real Italian? Mac & Cheese Sauce, Butter Noodles, Pizza Pockets? Well, you’re not getting any of that here. Just a bunch of weird things I couldn’t even pronounce. Disgusting!

    If you’re looking for an authentic Italiano Experience, check out Fazoli’s across town. I think they’re family owned and operated, and they know how to make Italian right!”

    The rest of the reviews were fine. This guy is funny.

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