Top Chef: Hammer Time Recap

We’re back! Let’s get right to it. WHY are we still talking about Phillip? He’s gone! That means we don’t need to talk about him anymore! And why is everyone suddenly saying all these nice things about him? Enough out of you, Carl. Yeah, he did what he wanted to do but what he wanted was fully terrible. Here’s the exchange that finally ends it:

Kwame: I understood him.

Marjorie: I didn’t.

Hysterical laughter.

I really like all these people. It’s…different. The tension is all gone. I love getting to know all of these people I like!

For the Quickfire Challenge, Padma Lakshmi wants to see “another side” of the chefs. I only want to see their cooking side, mostly. MC Hammer is the judge, which is fun. The challenge is stupid. They have to come up with a rapper name and make a dish inspired by that name which WTF. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall during that brainstorming session. Kwame comes up with the name “Bay-Lish,” because they’re in the Bay Area, and he’s going to make delicious food. So literally he can make anything he wants. My rapper name would have been “Frozen Veggies in A Pan What Up,” and I would have done a SICK job making a dish inspired by that name. They come up with names like “Santana Lova,” and “Miss Punch a Lot.” Isaac’s name is “Toups Legit,” which is actually kind of great. He’s my new favorite. Marjorie is “Miss Punch a Lot,” because she wants to punch people in the face with flavor. They all make whatever dishes they want, basically, not having much to do with their names.

During judging, Carl raps for MC Hammer, which he’s very, very excited about. I would not be as excited about his rapping.  Amar, Marjorie and Kwame are in the bottom of this challenge, and I realize how close we are to the end. They’re all great chefs. We’re now at the point where if your’e not in the top, you’re probably in the bottom. The best dishes were Carl’s, Isaac’s, and Karen’s. Isaac wins the challenge and therefore immunity. He also draws the first pick for the elimination challenge which will be guest judged by Jonathan Waxman. The challenge is to make something from a significant culinary period in history. They draw knives to decide who picks first from a globe full of choices. The picks, in order, are:

• Isaac: Vikings
• Carl: Ancient Greece
• Amar: Paris
• Marjorie: Ancient India
• Kwame: Beijing- Han Dynasty
• Jeremy: San Francisco- Gold Rush
• Karen: Empire of Japan

Karen is upset, because she really wanted China. They get two hours at the library which for some reason in 2016 Jonathan Waxman thinks will help them a lot. I’ve seen the contestants on their cell phones this season. Would Google not help more?

Jeremy decides he’s going to make a chowder. Karen is very busy finding a way to incorporate China into her food, which is going to be a disaster. Amar finds that in Paris, everything was very fine-dining and social status. His cuisine is the easiest to define and understand, but because of that he also can’t afford any missteps. Marjorie is going to make curried lentils with lamb kebabs and paratha. Carl will make a seafood dish with mediterranean flavors. Isaac is going to to venison. He was born to cook for Vikings. Kwame’s dish has only four ingredients to mimic the Han Dynasty’s minimalism. They have to be perfect.

The kitchen is quiet with nobody yelling at Phillip. The one point of drama is when Tom Colicchio and Jonathan come into the kitchen and ask to see Kwame’s duck. He cuts it and it’s completely raw. I begin to panic because I realize that he really may very well go home this episode. Ever since the “10 Years Ago” episode I’ve been worried for him.

First up are Carl and Marjorie. The judges all love Carl’s dish. It appears to be really simple, but it isn’t. Marjorie’s dish is okay enough, except for the Perata, which is fried, oily, and generally bad. Jonathan doesn’t love her lamb. Isaac serves Venison on wood. Tom doesn’t love the walnuts he topped his dish with, but other than that it’s well received. Kwame’s duck is perfect. PHEW. Jeremy and Karen both do generally poorly, although neither dish is terrible. Karen pretty much totally misunderstood her location, and her dish is too Chinese. Last, is Amar by himself. He fully nails his squab in every way.

The Results:

Top: Kwame, Amar, Carl

Winning Dish: Amar

Bottom: Jeremy, Marjorie, Karen

Sent Home: Karen

We’re really getting down to the wire now. See you next week!

And, watch last night’s episode of Last Chance Kitchen here.

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