Vodka Is A Liberal Drink, Claims Republican Research Firm Drenched in Scotch
You may claim that you’re a staunch liberal/conservative/independent/apathetic apolitical scumbag, but according to a new study, your drink of choice might indicate that you’re lying to yourself.
In a report by National Media Research Planning and Placement, the Republican consulting firm found that “consumer data suggests Democrats prefer clear spirits, while Republicans like their brown liquor.” Specifically, according to the Washington Post, “Democratic drinkers are more likely to sip Absolut and Grey Goose vodkas, while Republican tipplers are more likely to savor Jim Beam, Canadian Club and Crown Royal.”
While these findings may appear to back political stereotypes — Republican plutocrats like to oppress the poor in smoke-filled backrooms with scotch! Democrat commies like to squeeze vodka from potatoes as they violently seize private property! — it gets a little more complicated when they introduce other alcohols:
- Democrats are more likely to drink champagne
- Rum is bipartisan
- People who drink Jaegermeister vote less and rage more
- People who drink Seagram’s Gin are extremely liberal
- People who drink Seagram’s VO are extremely conservative
- Republicans like peppermint schnapps. Really.
And let’s not even get into wine, which is a strong indicator that one is likely to vote. Okay, actually, let’s:
- Democrats drink Two-Buck Chuck (sorry, “Le Chateau de Charles Shaw“)
- Republicans drink Franzia
There’s a chart available at the Washington Post, with axes and bubbles as proof that all of these alcohol facts are true. Given that, it’s time to start a deep, soul-searching conversation with yourself about what you believe to be fundamentally true.
While you’re at it, maybe you should drink alcohol. We hear that helps.
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