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WATCH: Adam Richman Unleashes His Bedroom Eyes — While Eating — On Epic Meal Time

Guuuuuhhhhhhhhhh. What is this, Adam Richman? We can be understanding to a certain point: we know you love eating obscene amounts of food, both strange and mundane; we know you’re a bro. Hence, we can comprehend the strategic internet alliance you made with Epic Meal Time, the bros who love eating obscene amounts of strange or mundane food.

But then you ate this chocolate breakfast in a manner described as either sensual, or disturbing. We’re too shell-shocked to really attempt to describe it better. In fact, we’re going to our nearest walk-in shower, fully dressed, and spend some time crying in the fetal position. And no, we will not be “bitch-slapping that powder” on afterwards. The chocolatey bro-splosion begins:

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