Recently, Men’s Health ran a contest to find the nine most manly restaurants in America, seeking the most testosterone-y joints in categories such as barbecue, pizza, steak, tacos, and “adventurous eating” (think Chris Cosentino). Though they were only trying to celebrate manhood, some media watchdogs claimed that they were labeling foods by gender. What is it, the New York Times asked, that made all these foods manly, “when so many millions of women are fond of barbecue, pizza, steak, tacos, burgers, sandwiches and brew pubs”?
As a staff of women, we can tell you that the answer is, to be frank, quite simple. We may eat manly food, but it’s not because we’re eating
food. We’re really eating our feelings.
So when the
Times wondered whether a womanly magazine would front their own contest celebrating culinary womanliness, we at the Braiser put our ovaries together and came up with our own list of the nine womanliest restaurants in America, celebrating the yummy things that make up womanhood: marriage, friendship, shopping, and expressing our emotions. Have a night out at these restaurants with your gastronomic gal pals — as long as you’re not being visited by Auntie Flo! Are we right, ladies?
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WOMANLIEST Restaurant To Woman It Up With Other Women: Every Place That Has Ever Been Featured On
Sex And The City
It's the taste of friendship! Take a spin around Carrie's hometown with your own Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte, carrying your Cosmos and mashing your Manolos into the pavement as you celebrate your fabulous friendship through cupcakes at
Magnolia Bakery and reliving Carrie's emotional, soul-crushing breakup with Mr. Big at Eleven Madison Park.
WOMANLIEST Restaurant For Pretending You Are In A Romantic Film:
For the true romantic, only
Serendipity III will do! The famous ice cream parlor not only played a key role in a middling 2001 romantic comedy, it also boasts the Golden Opulence sundae, which costs a whopping $1000! If you're feeling truly serendipitous, stop in -- you might catch the eye of the Crown Prince of Dubai! Then you might get to live in Dubai, where you'll spend all your time shopping! All the time! Until you find that you have nothing else to do with your life!
Wow, that got dark really quickly.
WOMANLIEST Diet Restaurant:
Speaking of Sex and the City, you can keep yourself in Carrie's sample size shape with
Tasti-d-Lite for all those moments when you want soft serve! It's not quite soft serve, technically speaking. It's also not legally ice cream. It's better than that, because unlike food, it has no calories! What's it made of? Whipped air, shards of ice, and cardboard.
WOMANLIEST Breaking Your Diet Restaurant:
Ben and Jerry's
Let's face it, ladies: sometimes you're feeling sinfully indulgent, and only two men will satisfy you:
Ben and Jerry's. Curl up with them and a bottle of red wine, get relaxed, and put their cones in your mouth. Make sure you lick up all the cream!
WOMANLIEST Restaurant For Splurging Your Man's Money:
Located in the heart of New York City,
Per Se's three-star cuisine is matched only by its three-star shopping! Per Se sits on the fourth floor of the a shopping mecca with some of the hottest brands out there: Time Warner Center, Coach, J. Crew, Ferragamo, Stuart Weitzman, Swarovski, J.W. Cooper, Eileen Fisher, Cole Haan, Armani Exchange, bebe, Cache, and Seven Jeans, True Religion, I Say No But They Keep Givin', Hugo Boss, Crabtree and Evelyn, Williams Sonoma, Rosetta Stone! You'll be sure to work up an appetite after all that shopping, and with a $295 prix fixe dinner menu, you'll be sure to feel like your man really loves you.
WOMANLIEST 'Sending The Hint To Your Man' Restaurant:
One If By Land, Two If By Sea
Men! They're so clueless. Sometimes you just
want to hit them over the head with a clue, am I right, ladies? Get your S.O. to take the hint at One If By Land, Two If By Sea. Known as one of the most romantic restaurants in New York City (and therefore the world,) your boyfriend will be surrounded by men popping the question to their girlfriends. If he looks uncomfortable, just tell him that those men must be very happy to have loving women in their lives and they clearly wanted to lock it down before their girlfriends hit menopause.
WOMANLIEST Restaurant for Anxiously Comparing Yourself To Other Women:
This trendy restaurant by
Masaharu Morimoto has it all for the fashionable woman: beautiful, skinnier women wearing better clothing on dates with handsomer men; chopsticks to help curb how much sushi you guiltily swallow; and the Village Voice-approved best bathrooms in New York City! Bonus: the soundproof stalls ensure that no one will hear you vomit.
WOMANLIEST Restaurant For Picking Up Men: Any Of
Men's Health's Manliest Restaurants
In all of these restaurants, you'll be sure to find gorgeous hunks with
six-pack abs dressed for more sex, chowing down with their buds on steaks, barbecue, tacos, and beef hearts. Come out with your girlfriends, meet them at the bars, and order a refreshing salad with dressing on the side! (You might be tempted to gnaw a glistening, caramel rack of St. Louis ribs or sink your teeth into a pastrami sandwich at Katz's Deli, or even down a beer with some fries and a burger, but be careful. Real women don't enjoy manly foods. Ever.)
Tiffany's (breakfast only)
Ordering Chinese Takeout While Watching
Breakfast At Tiffany's