Welcome back! This week, all I hope is that Phillip is finally going home. We learn that Kwame was a drug dealer in his past, and a good one at that.
For the quickfire challenge, they’re channeling Chef Jacques La Merde, which is awesome, except that the challenge involves literally zero cooking. I find it extremely shocking that Phillip has never used the word soigné. I feel he should use the word soigné at all times. The dish with the most Instagram likes will win the challenge. Carl’s dish is a “garden that’s coming out of the can.” It’s a “dish, but also social commentary.” Jeremy comments that “Doritos are in season this spring,” and there are lots of other equally hilarious jokes about junk food. Everyone has fun with this challenge except for Phillip.
Chef Jacques La Merde is Christine Flynn! A woman! Because who knew women could be funny!?
Phillip takes way too much time taking pictures of his dish and I’ve literally never hated him so much. Christine also seems to hate him.
Neal Fraser is a guest judge this week, and Phillip is very excited. The chefs will be making a beefsteak. I don’t know what a beefsteak is. The way they describe it is big tenderloins, whole roasted salmon, and people get drunk.
Also, there are three rules of beefsteak:
1. No utensils
2. No plates.
3. No napkins.
Sorry– what’s a beefsteak?
Amar finds a whole 25 lb halibut on the bone. Phillip decides he’s making lamb, and says that if they don’t like it they should send him home. I agree, they should send him home. I don’t know what’s going on in the kitchen but all of the chefs are making totally different things.
They love Phil’s stupid dish because it has a stupid bone. They love it so much they throw it at one of the beefsteak patrons and then are all like LOL JUDGES TABLE. Don’t care, stop throwing food. I hate all the judges. They don’t like Amar’s halibut because according to Padma, halibut is pansy. Colin Hanks agrees that halibut is pansy. Who made Colin Hanks a food critic?
I am starting to learn what a beefsteak is based on the judge’s comments. Here is what I now know:
1. It should be like a murder scene
2. There should be absolutely no microgreens anywhere near a beefsteak.
3. The main thing about a beefsteak is sexism. There should be a lot of sexism.
4. Even if the judge’s like your beef, you cannot win at the beefsteak.
They love Carl’s steak. They say the meat is great and the sauce is delicious, and you can eat it with your hands and dip it into sauce. But they are still somehow disappointed in Carl’s steak. The judges comment that they didn’t need to “reinvent the beefsteak.” Where are all these beefsteaks the judges are going to?
Over 24 hours, Karen gets the most Instagram likes for her #foodporn plate and she wins the quickfire challenge.
Winning Team: Amar, Jeremy, Phillip.
Challenge Winner: Phillip.
Losing Team: Isaac, Marjorie, Chad
Why do they have to go in teams? Shouldn’t it be the worst dishes in the bottom? They literally loved Marjorie’s food.
Eliminated: Chad, for the microgreens. I’ve never seen people so upset about microgreens. Even Padma admits the dish ate fine.
The judges all lose tonight. Also, I’m never going to a beefsteak. Sounds dumb.
How is Phillip still here? See you next week.
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